I got over the part about planning my life after I retire. I will do what every I want. I’m not stressing over where my life will go. There are many resources out there dedicated to the “after” I retire.
But what about now? So many thoughts and feeling. Somethings are easy to let go. Somethings are hard.
What do I tell my patients knowing that no one has been hired to replace me?
How do I resist interjecting my cynicism and burned out opinions? Shall I just stop going to meetings?
How do I resist lashing out with dealing with the process changes that affect everything I do on a daily basis, on top of a workload that has grown unmanageable for me and project a sense of grace I do not feel?
I feel some “lists” coming on.
Who do I care about? (other the me if course) My patients, my team partners. What do I want and how to I get it? I want the transition to be smooth. I want my partners to be buffered as I know their stress/work level is already high. Can I do anything about it? I have no control over recruitment. So far no fish have bitten. If no one is hired what do I tell my patients? I would like them to know who is accountable so I have to find out who that is. Is that reasonable? Until my last day, I want to maintain my work standards as best I can given I have to say goodbye and I know there will be unfinished business.
I am a lame duck. “Ultimately, the origin comes from the idea that a lame duck is unable to move or accomplish anything at all; all the senses, viewed very broadly, mean ‘ineffectual’.” or just simply “one whose position or term of office will soon end” I want to leave an image a happy duck.