3 months, 14 days, 18 hours and 22 minutes

I got over the part about planning my life after I retire.  I will do what every I want.  I’m not stressing over where my life will go.  There are many resources out there dedicated to the “after” I retire.

But what about now?  So many thoughts and feeling.  Somethings are easy to let go.  Somethings are hard.

What do I tell my patients knowing that no one has been hired to replace me?

How do I resist interjecting my cynicism and burned out opinions? Shall I just stop going to meetings?

How do I resist lashing out with dealing with the process changes that affect everything I do on a daily basis, on top of a workload that has grown unmanageable for me and project a sense of grace I do not feel?

I feel some “lists” coming on.

Who do I care about?  (other the me if course)  My patients, my team partners.  What do I want and how to I get it?  I want the transition to be smooth.  I want my partners to be buffered as I know their stress/work level is already high.  Can I do anything about it?   I have no control over recruitment.  So far no fish have bitten.  If no one is hired what do I tell my patients?  I would like them to know who is accountable so I have to find out who that is.  Is that reasonable? Until my last day, I want to maintain my work standards as best I can given I have to say goodbye and I know there will be unfinished business.

I am a lame duck.  “Ultimately, the origin comes from the idea that a lame duck is unable to move or accomplish anything at all; all the senses, viewed very broadly, mean ‘ineffectual’.”  or just simply “one whose position or term of office will soon end”  I want to leave an image a happy duck.


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